10 Things to do in Uganda

Today, after having forsaken sleep, nutrition and friends for the last three to four weeks, I have new life.

This morning we rendered the judgement in the case of The Prosecutor v. Protais Zigiranyirazo. This was the case that made my job necessary, that gave me my chance to come to Africa and that sucked pretty well every last remaining calorie of energy from my page-turning fingers.

For the crimes of Genocide and Extermination as a Crime Against Humanity, Zigiranyirazo was given 20, 20 and 15 years of imprisonment, to be served concurrently. He was found guilty of genocide for participation in a joint criminal enterprise (JCE) during an attack on Kesho Hill, a Tutsi safe-spot in 1994, that killed somewhere in the neighbourhood of 1000 people. He also was found to have aided and abetted genocide through his provision of support and encouragement to individuals manning a roadblock near his residence who were checking ID papers for the purpose of slaughtering Tutsi. On the same facts regarding Kesho Hill, but with a different mens rea, he was found guilty of Extermination for his participation in a JCE.

In court -where I was sitting today, fully robed, in an intenational genocide court, yes ladies, I’m single – Zigiranyirazo acted mostly stone-faced, until called to stand in the witness box to receive his sentence. Then, I can’t be sure, but it seemed to me that his manner deflated.

Of course… no one really noticed any of this, because the judgement of the de facto leader of the genocide –  Colonol Theoneste Bagosora – was rendered about 30 minutes after ours. They didn’t so much steal my thunder as pilfer the entire weather pattern and then kidnap Brian Hill.

Zigiranyirazo, interestingly, has been linked to the murder of Dian Fossey, best known from the film Gorillas in the Mist. And wouldn’t you know that his past (alleged) misdeeds are my immediate future.

I will not know the fate of Bagosora until the news comes out, however, since by the time you read this, I will already be on a bus along with Mary Lou and her new Tanzanian boyfriend Cliff, en route to Nairobi, Kenya before linking up with Ronnie and Becky to travel to Kampala, Uganda. Our plans are still somewhat fluid, as befits someone with the last name Rivers, but there’s already a few things lined up that I’m sure have my sister Ali in twitching jealousy fits and my poor mother left to once again question my instincts for self-preservation.

Thus…

10 Things to do in Uganda

1. Gorilla Tracking

I received an excited phone call on Tuesday around 4:00pm from Ronnie, who informed me that he’d been able to track down FIVE hard-to-find permits that will allow us to visit silverback mountain gorillas in their natural habitat in the southwest of Uganda. While he didn’t specify in our brief conversation, I’m fairly certain that we will be visiting the incredibly named Bwindi Impenitrible Forest. (*Note: Having Googled the ‘spelling’ you see there, I was shocked to discover my OWN blog as the first hit. Apparently this a word I have very firm ideas on how to spell… ideas that none of Messrs. Webster, Oxford or Dictionarydotcom agree with. The correct title of the park is Bwindi Impenetrable Forest.)

While some of you may be wondering what on God’s green earth could compel me to spend $500 to spend some time with hairy, scratching, smelling, grunting, ravenous humanoids… I note that I spend approximately that much to fly back to Ontario to spend time with my brother, which isn’t all that different. Of course… with Tom, I get to spend as much time as it takes to beat him in a game of golf (To date: I have emerged victorious in one game out of the fourteen or so we’ve played. I think he may be slightly better than me…) With the gorillas, however, my $500 hard-earned US dollars get me one rigidly timed hour.

It matters not. This is likely a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I’m very very excited about it.

2. White-Water Rafting on the Nile

The last time I white-watered anything was this summer when I threw my half-naked body through what I’m sure was glacial meltwater in order to enjoy the thrill of going through “a hole in the rock”. Prior to that it was when I got tossed from a canoe with Gillian Hewson while attempting to shoot very tame rapids in a canoe while I still called SJK home.

Thus, clearly, it makes sense to go into a raft that will tackle FIVE Class V rapids. Sample names of the rapids include – and I kid you not – “Widow Maker,” “Blade Runner,” “The Dead Dutchman,” “Ribcage” and “Hair of the Dog.” We do a 30-km stretch of the river – with a safety boat on hand and multiple fully trained first aid professionals, all of whom I plan to never be forced to meet – before returning for a BBQ.

3. Kibale National Park

Monkeys are awesome. Full stop. Thus being in the same country as the park with the world’s highest concentration of primate life is also awesome. That’s just logic. While you can go on a chimpanzee-tracking trip, I may take a pass as a concession to the gorillas. Then again, I may say “t’heck with it” and simply plan on living in Karl’s 1979 Lincoln Continental automobile trunk for the rest of the year. Even if I take a pass on the chimps, I’ll still head to the park and do some hiking to see the animals and enjoy the forest.

4. Boat Trip on Lake Victoria

Source of the Nile? Check. Massive diversity of aquacious species? Check. Ridiculously massive inland African lake? Check. Named after the city where I live when I’m back in Canada? Umm… sure. In short, I just want to be able to spend a little bit of time on one of the most famous lakes in the world.

5. Geocaching in Kampala

The seat of Ugandan Government and the home of what I expect to be my first geocache in Uganda. While there’s a variety of them available across the country, many of which I will try to collect over the duration of my stay, there are few that offer as much of a guarantee as one cache that has been found within the last month and has been around a while. This will mean I can check four different countries off of my geocaching map from this trip – England, Tanzania, Rwanda and Uganda. If I can squeeze one in in Kenya, so much the better.

I will also, hopefully, find time to visit the government buildings and the Kabaka Tombs, about which I know absolutely nothing.

6. Murchison Falls

While Wikipedia didn’t confirm them as “the world’s most powerful waterfall”, which is what I kind of thought, it did provide this scientific gem:

“At the top of Murchison Falls, the Nile forces its way through a seven metre gap in the rocks and tumbles 43 metres down, then flows westward into Lake Albert. The outlet of Lake Victoria sends around 300 cubic metres per second (11,000 ft³/s) of water over the falls, squeezed into a gorge less than ten metres (30 ft) wide.”

In other words… the washrooms there have a very long line.

7. Bus Trip to … ?

There are a few geocaches that seem to be in the middle of nowhere. As a result, I will probably use one of them as a goal in my efforts to explore real Uganda by taking a bus through more rural parts of the country. However, I will likely work on avoiding the northern parts, since there’s, y’know, rebel bases, airstrikes and general civil shenanigans. Basically… the Star Wars scenes where they’re on the moon of Endor, but with fewer Ewoks.

8. Stradle the Equator

This particular exercise has one major advantage that all the others don’t: it’s free. While I have no doubts that there are plans in the work to begin charging travellers a “Latititude Crossing Fee” – hell, the US economy could use the cash injection – so far, this particular exercise is mostly cost-free. All I need to do is find a bus that crosses the line and have them let me off.

9. … attend a wedding?!

Ronnie – who apparently is a better organizer than I am – has been meticulously tracking down cheap/free accomodation for us through the CouchSurfing website. One of the fellows who’s agreed to take us in is actually getting married while we’re in town. Thus, for the cost of buying ourselves Arab robes, we’re invited to his wedding. Apparently Ugandan weddings are, traditionally, “off the hook”. I’m not entirely sure what that means, but my guess is that I’ll not be able to remember enough about the wedding to relay my findings.

10. Yet to be Determined…

I’ll be in Uganda from about the 19th to the 30th, needing to be back in Arusha to check out of the Tribunal on the 31st, and bus to Dar Es Salaam on the 1st to catch my plane on the 2nd. Who knows what’ll come up that I’ll deem worthy of a few hours, a few dollars or a few years off the end of my life?

Right – well – this may be all you from me for some time, depending on internet access in Uganda. If it is, have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Random seasonal greetings as well to those who celebrate things other than fat men in red suits, mass commercialism and Baby Jesus.

I’m looking at you Karl.